Over the past few years, I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that this place is not going to give me what I wanted. It’s the sad and irrevocable fact that, since about 1997, the internet has not been the place I wanted it to be. And, even then, it was full of assholes. I was just in a much brighter mood, having just come from a nice place, very recently, at the time.
Being alone most of my life, I used the Internet to make friends. And, as time went on, that sort of use became more and more hostile. Now, the Internet is more-or-less fully commercialized. There is no real reason to use it if you’re not trying to make money.
Recently, given that I’m Verified on Amazon, and I have access to my own store on there, I decided to start trying to monetize my own Internet presence. It’s going quite well. I cannot shake, however, the fact that, I never wanted to do this. I never wanted to be an Internet Salesman. I always wanted to have my own little store; but, it still feels dirty. I hate Capitalism.
The Internet is no place for friendship. When I was a kid and I saw what adults did to kids online, I knew that, then. But I didn’t have any other place to go. I had nothing else to do. I could be alone, outside, in a forest; or, I could be alone, online. With a bunch of assholes.
I really did fantasize about the place being a lot better than it is. As it stands today it is ten THOUSAND times worse than it ever was when I was a kid. Back when I was a kid, I had people threatening to kill me; but, at the time, if anybody gathered to try to do it, that was quickly put a stop to. Now? There are a lot of safe havens for people who want to act like that. It’s not going to last forever— it’s going to be over fairly quickly, at this juncture. But I cannot pretend that this place is good and/or nice.
The worst people get the most attention. Elon Musk, the richest person ever, has the emotional intelligence of a grade schooler. This is the asshole who’s going to get people to Mars? Not with his own brain he isn’t. And even if he does, when the ship arrives on that planet, I bet the fuckin’ doors won’t open.
For a lot of my time on the Internet, I’ve been archiving and archiving all the things that I love. And, the more I’ve done it, the more I’ve kept looking back at my li’l archive, and I’ve started realizing… I’m not releasing any of this. It’s like that tweet goes: blocked, blocked, you’re all blocked; none of you are free of sin. And so the saying goes.
I have shitajiki and settei from one of my favorite mangaka. I was going to scan and release them. 22+ years down the line, he’s still active, and growing even more active on Twitter. And he’s warned he’s going to go after anyone who releases things he’s worked on. I can never release this crap.
I can never safely release any of the cool stuff from Japan that I bought, and is now out-of-print, forever.
What a stupid fucking species.
I would write things and release them online because, I figured, eventually, I would solve all my problems that way. And that is true: producing content online in that vein has led me to a sustained and irrevocable conclusion. But it’s not the one I figured.
The Internet is bad. Initially I posited that I should share things I created, with the Internet, so that these sorts of creations could obtain some sort of immortality. It’s not that I want to be remembered forever: it’s that I don’t want to create something, only for it to, you know,. Never be seen. never be experienced. It feels so hollow when I make something that only I will see.
Fortunately for me, that problem has already been solved.
Humanity’s not the only set of eyes in town, and the vast majority of Humans are fuckheads. Why should I share my nice things wif you, when I have a willing audience that doesn’t treat me like shit?
The things about space aliens will still be released. And I have a website to perfect, and then finalize, and release.
I consider these things to be breadcrumbs, to lead you to a true civilization.
Assholes ain’t gonna be let in.
They ain’t gonna get in.