I got Verified on Bing.

What the shit does that mean.

First and foremost, you can get Verified on Bing by going to https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/bing/bing-pages-overview . Here’s the fucking problem:

It could take six months.

This thing was like a baby.

Here’s the pipeline:

  • Submit your application to https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/bing/bing-pages-overview
  • Wait 3 business days.
  • If you don’t have a Bing Page by then (it’ll be under https://www.bing.com/public/[THEUSERNAMEYOUCHOSE], then e-mail [email protected] . And keep doing it. I’d suggest waiting a bit; you can see how long I waited.
  • Bing page! Verified on Bing!

Bing’s cache for Twitter bios is extremely old, but they pull all the posts from your highest-follower-count social media profile. And, eventually, they pull it from Facebook, and Instagram. The YouTube video puller hasn’t worked for a few days or weeks, it seems.

And, I don’t know. Honestly, I have no fucking idea what they’re doing. Look at my profile picture.

There we go! c(◕ᴗ◕✿)

Here’s what you can edit.

Don’t worry: that phone number is public. It was and still is an experiment to see if people mad at me online will call it. (Nobody really does, oddly.)

Any ‘custom’ edit you make to your page is going to be ‘reviewed’. Given that Bing took, like, half a year to do this for me, don’t hold your breath. I won’t be.

So: here’s the deal. I don’t know if it was March, April, or what. In the screenshot above, I say that it was about 2-3 weeks before June. I’m not so sure of that. Given that Bing didn’t give me a Confirmation e-mail when I applied, and I didn’t think to mark it down (because, I’m like that— also, I didn’t consider it to be a real possibliity that they’d Verify me, so I was like, lolz), who the fuck knows. You’re looking at an at-least 3 month lead time, if you’re unlucky like I was.

That looks particularly pathetic. 23,000 followers (not even right;) followed by 62 followers, and 58 followers. None of these counts are right, by the way.

And there’s the damnable Wikipedia article.

For my next trick, I’m going to completely destroy my IMDb pages. I’m having them merged. Pray for me.

or don’t; because, Twitter ‘closed’ the ‘loophole’ that I could use to try to get Verified. Fuck Twitter.

Next up: Instagram Verification attempts!


Additional Informations

You get a free daily ad with Bing.

You can promote, they say, any of your social media posts. Doesn’t work with Twitter; doesn’t really work with Instagram (picture doesn’t show, but the other information does); but it works perfectly with Facebook:

Bing says that you get a guaranteed(?) 10,000 impressions on Bing search. Each ‘promotion’ lasts 24 hours, but it seems you get infinite ones. You can only promote one post per 24 hours, but then, it resets. And you can pick a new one.

As Bing is the search engine of Windows 10, you can see this ad in Windows 10. Just buy hitting Windows Key, and typing ‘icze4r’.

I’m in your fucking operating system.

That shouldn’t be a thing I can do.

Oh well.

What does it mean to be Verified on Bing?

I don’t fucking know!

God. I just give up, you know?

So, I’m down to this: Verified on Pornhub (easy), Google (hard), Amazon (hard), Bing (this was the hardest, strangely), I had it on Vid.me before it sadly died, and there are actually so many that I’ve had to keep a list. But those are the ones that matter. ‘matter’

On Twitter and Instagram, being Verified makes bad people take you seriously. The rich and the famous apparently go, ‘ooh, checkmark,’ and their brains leak out their ears.

Which makes me not want to get one there.

For Bing… I don’t know, man. I feel bad talking shit about them, because they gave me this. BUT

The fact of the matter is, I don’t know how much Bing matters. They’ve promised me a daily ad where I get 10,000 views; and, if they’re telling the truth (no way to tell if they are, given that they give me no analytics(?), at least not ones I can find), that’s great. But I seriously cannot tell. Free ads, however! Cannot look that gift in the mouth!

All-in-all, none of the Verified offerings are really that interesting. Well, I’d say that Google’s are no longer interesting. At one point in time, getting Verified meant a checkmark on YouTube; because you’d get Verified on Google+. But, since they ignored me, back then, I didn’t get to reap that benefit. Maybe in the future? (Probably not. But it would be nice.)

Nothing on the Verified side of Google works. There’s an entire thing called Channel.Google.Com and people in India and around that area, they get Bing-style pages, on Google. But, I don’t know how to get one; and, even if I did, Google’s not really doing anything with it.

Amazon’s Verified offering is probably the best, as you get your onwn little store. But, Amazon’s also evil, so. Cannot really use that. I don’t really like capitalism, either. (Read: I fucking loathe it)

Bing’s Verified offering is interesting, because it provides me with a free daily ad that they say will get 10,000 views. And if that’s the case, then, I have a free daily ad, that I can use to promote my book. And that, I feel, is probably worth the most, to me. It’s nearly priceless, as I have very little money, and none for taking out ads.

Twitter’s Verified offering is nothing. I think Instagram’s is almost nothing.

I’m pursuing this because it’s fun, and, I feel I deserve it. I matched all the criteria; yet, I keep getting denied. And, if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that, I’m the one who has to stick up for myself, and fight for myself.

It’s worthless, anyways. We all know it’s just a sneetchmark.

I want it, though.