My Tweet Performance (a brief history)

2014 Tweet Performance data will be included later. As of right now, I want to get to the meat of the matter:

I’ve had two tweets that have performed particularly well, that I have data on. One was a picture of a Cow sleeping / resting their head on someone’s lap, that I got from Reddit, and thought was cute. Posting this made everyone mad: the idiots said I stole it. I just wanted to show people a cute cow, and they got care.

The “cows is alright” tweet, as it is now called, got:

  • 1,055,546 Impressions
  • 253,021 Total engagements
  • 198,387 Media engagements
  • 17,805 Detail expands
  • 3,488 Profile clicks

Yesterday, I posted a stupid fucking meme. Here it is:

I didn’t think it was worded well, but people seem to like it. It got:

  • 2,709,093 Impressions
  • 683,963 Total engagements
  • 489,187 Media engagements
  • 70,708 Detail expands
  • 3,664 Profile clicks

Keep in mind that, as the number updates anywhere from 5 to 12 seconds, sometimes 1-2 seconds, these numbers are changing very quickly. In the time it’s taken me to write this (122wpm, though I can go higher if I’m writing by myself, instead of copying a text in a WPM test program), it’s risen to 2,725,455 impressions.

Before this, in the month of November, 2014, I had three solid days (though not consecutive) where I got more than 1 million views on my tweets. But I would tweet hundreds upon hundreds of times. This time, I only tweeted once, and… well, here we are.

This tweet was ‘published’ during a very special period: this is the middle of a Pandemic, and nobody likes Wall Street. r/WallStreetBets is also laying waste of Hedge Funds, so it was a perfect storm.

As far as I can statistically ascertain, the success of the meme, even with my account set to hide my imagery from people who do not wish to view sensitive media, is that it was simply written, and contemporaneous. It was topical, and it was posted at exactly the right moment.

Memes are very hard to perfect. But I managed to just get lucky.

Because I wrote this one as simply as I could put it.

The averages are wrong, but you can quite clearly see the bars. They are so high now that it makes it look like my tweets were getting no views at all. As far as I can tell, either I got surpremely lucky (unlikely)— or, somebody at Twitter just decided to ‘unblock’ my ability to ‘trend’. Shadowban dot EU still says that I’m search banned, but that didn’t matter, because this meme spread organically, through many like-minded accounts.

The tweet ‘went wide’ starting last night. It had about 120,000 views, maybe 200,000. I woke up this morning, it had 500,000. And so I waited for it to go to 1 million, because it would make me feel better, emotionally.

It hit 1 million and it didn’t stop. It just kept going. 2 hours later, it hit 2 million. Four hours later, it hit a total that you see above you, and it is still rising. In the time it’s taken to write this, the Impressions have risen to 2,756,684. 2,758,054. It rises roughly 2,000 or so, every single update.

At one point, per update, it was rising 4,000.

I’ve calculated the views per second at around 160, as it was rising to one million. It’s gone as high as perhaps 800; something like that. It varies, but during the rise to 1 million, i enjoyed a sustained rate of 200 views per update. (I count these as ‘seconds’. Years ago, it used to update per second, or per 2 seconds. But now, it updates anywhere from 5-12 seconds. Whether or not that’s accurate, I don’t know. But that’s how I call it.)

This is deeply enjoyable to me because it’s my first original content to get this many views. Still, it’s a low-effort meme made with movie screenshots, and I thought about not even posting it. Just goes to show you: shoot your shot, homes. SHOOT YOUR GOO YEAH BABY CUM IN MY FACE

Anyways I love you bye bye c(◕ᴗ◕✿)


It is January 28th, 2021, at 10:57 A.M., and here are the new totals:

  • 6,629,707 Impressions
  • 15,575,153 Total engagements
  • 1,142,629 Media engagements
  • 161,902 Detail expands
  • 8,553 Profile clicks

I’ve never seen it go this high. In fact, I— this is higher than Milo Yiannopoulos ever got.

I’m happy. This has gone past even my wildest dreams. My three best Tweeting days ever ended with 1,124,804 views; 1,206,823 views; and 1,076,264 views. This Analytic Day has eclipsed all of them: 6,563,554 views, and rising. At 6,815,782 views, it will be double as good as my three best days put together. And it looks like that’s happening.

I’m so happy.

Now… of course, such a thing isn’t likely to happen again, in the future. This was, despite my amazing intelligence and planning (scheming) skills, really just all a ‘fluke’. I got lucky, and somehow fucking eclipsed my popularity from the time period when I was REALLY TRYING hOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN AAAAAAAAAAA

I took a short rest to get my heartrate down and breathe a bit (COVID-19 after-symptoms), and… 6,792,464 views… 6,795,370 views next update. There is incredible staying power here, simply because of the absolutely hysterical, really fucking funny situation with Wall Street right now. (◕ᴗ◕✿)

In the end, I don’t know if I should make a YouTube video about it. People already don’t really watch my videos (less than 100 views on any, no matter what, really,) so. IDK.

I could make a video about the entire situation, but— I think everybody already knows. And I already made a short ‘explainer’, and nobody really watched it.

In the end, while I’m hysterically happy about this… it just reminds me of how I’m really kind of wasting my time wif YouTube. Plus, I promised my Mommy that I would actually get to work on something worthwhile, if I met this little goal of mine. As such, I intend to keep my promise: even if She says I really don’t have to.

I better get to work, 6,818,867 views!

Kind of curious how I’ll feel when it reaches 7 million。。。

Also also: I wasn’t really getting (visible) followers until it ran over 2 million views. You know why?

I run a consistent follower deficit. Around 80 to 180 followers lost per month. Twitter doesn’t show you new followers until you overcome this deficit.

I have about 256 new followers off of this. Guess I can’t post MILF tits anymore, huh HAHAHAHAHA I ALREADY DID IT

Although the tweet is on course to go to 10 million views, the momentum has quite clearly faded. As of right now, there are no more views trickling in for the biggest calendar day I’ve ever had measured by Twitter Analytics. And so, the most views I’ve ever had on my tweets, in my entire account’s history, is 9,449,194.

Kind of looks like a dick and balls.

The tweet itself is still registering about 160 views, at this hour (11:51 P.M., January 28th, 2021), but the momentum has clearly faded. The view counter began to update every 5 seconds, then every 12, then every 15.45. Now, it consistently updates every 15.45 seconds. And, if we consider that I get (a low-ball estimate) of 100 views per 15.45 second period, I’d get 10 million views total in 16 hours. Still not a guaranteed thing; but, I’m ready to close this out.

No matter what happens, once I hit 10 million views, I will not be providing updates on this. I already got more than what I wanted out of it— I managed to get more views on a single tweet than one of the most-hateful people I’ve ever known got on all their tweets, in a single day. So I’m happy about that. I consider that a perfect victory.

Here are the penultimate stats for the tweet.

Next and final update will be when it hits 10,000,000 Impressions. In the time it’s taken to write this (a few minutes), it’s risen roughly 3,000 views. So it will take much less time than estimated: but I like to low-ball estimates, so that I’m not frustrated.

Anyways I love you bye-bye c(◕ᴗ◕✿)

Just want to put this here: at 10 million views, 1 out of every 784 Human beings will have seen my tweets. (◕ᴗ◕✿)

1 out of every 784 Humans have seen my tweets.

And more. (◕ᴗ◕✿)