The Woes of Being Verified on Google

You might think that being Verified on Google is cool. Well, guess what? You don’t get shit for it.

At least, I didn’t.

This is probably because there seem to be several versions, or levels, of Verification. If you publish a book, you get a Google Knowledge Panel for whatever author name you chose, that you cannot possibly do anything with it. You cannot even claim it: Google Support will claim that they cannot find or even see it, even if they’re given a direct link.

If you’re a musician, which they seem to like a lot more, you might’ve gotten access to Posts on Google… if Posts on Google hadn’t been shuttered. Posts on Google let you post on Google. This also used to be a Google+ feature.

Interestingly, if you had the foresight enough to do it, way back when, getting Verified on Google+ meant you got Verified on YouTube. Sadly, either I was too depressed to figure out how to do this, or Google just never listened to me. Always the bridesmaid, never the basketball.

Google Knowledge Panels that are made via the creation of other panels (like, of books, which create panels for their authors) seem to be fundamentally useless. This is probably on purpose. Though, if you’re a musician, like I said: they tend to like you a lot more, and you seem to get a lot more integration.

Past that, there’s a level I will never reach, and a level I never want to reach: getting a Wikipedia page unlocks the next level, and there are probably several levels above that one. But, the minute you get a Wikipedia page, instead of this:

You’re greeted with this:

And I think that unlocks something more. I never saw the option to Suggest an Edit, like I should be able to, right now, but Jason Barnard has one, and he has three Wikipedia pages on some of what look like to be the lesser-used portions of Wikipedia. As I once had a Wikipedia page AND DO NOT WANT ANOTHER ONE THANK YOU, this is where my story ends. At least, until Google gets their shit together.

I have absolutely no idea what Google is doing. Here, look at the internal interface they gave me to add different users, once I got Verified the first time (I’m Verified twice):

What the fuck does this even mean? No one has ever given me advice, once I’ve been Verified. They just throw you in, and that’s that. I cannot even change the two profile pictures of the other two accounts. What?

In any case, a Wikipedia page of some sort, or at least a Musician’s Google Knowledge Panel, seems to be the bare minimum needed in order to get either images on your panel, or, at the very least, to be able to Suggest an Edit.

As it stands, I’m at an impasse, and, God fucking damn it, do not help me try to overcome this. I stared at my Wikipedia page until it went away, and thank God it did. I don’t fucking need assholes writing about me.