Twitter

It’s over.

After surviving on there for 13 years now, I’m done. Elon Musk purchased Twitter last Thursday, and he’s making quick work of it; running it into the fucking ground. I’ve survived on there long enough. I’m calling it: I won. I don’t have to try anymore.

I survived a lot. When I first got on there, a rogue moderator perma’d me. After a week of correspondence, I found out a few things: that the moderator got fired for doing it, because he openly admitted that he did it because he hated me; the moderator who told me about this, resigned, because ‘this isn’t what I signed up for’; and, somebody at Twitter, fired or not, definitely had it out for me.

The situation only got worse. In 2013, I pissed off a major stakeholder in Twitter. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that I would never be Verified. At the time, I didn’t give a shit; since, I didn’t actually have a shot at it. There wasn’t a public path to it. The man then told me about the upcoming Verification Request Form, before even the journalists knew about it. So I got fucked for defending a woman, and, as a result, an asshole locked me out of the system. Oops.

Not the first time it’s happened. Wasn’t the last. Will never be the last.

Around the same time, I tackled Twitter’s child pornography problem. I reported so much to NCMEC that, if memory serves, NCMEC got involved with helping Twitter with it all. Big announcement; can’t find it, now. Haven’t been able to find it since the first time I saw it.

By that time, I was sure that Twitter must’ve hated my ass.

Then 2014 happened.


In the times that the Verification Request Program was open, I submitted for Verification 41 times. On the account that the stakeholder said was blacklisted, I would never receive any correspondence from the Verification department. On any other account— even brand-spankin’ new ones— I would receive correspondence. I really do believe that I was blacklisted. I probably still am.

Reportedly, under Elon-め’s new regime, Verification on Twitter is going to cost people $20 a month to get, and maintain. Some of these fuckers’ll pay it. It’ll turn the mark into something even worse. I wonder if Albert Einstein’s dead ass will be paying? You think Michael Jackson will be ponying up the dough? How’s about Marilyn Monroe?

If you’re out of the loop, all three of those dead motherfuckers have Verified Twitter accounts. Yeah, I don’t get it. Weird.

In any case, if everybody stops paying, the already-Verified will lose their `marks in about 90 freakin’ days. Amusing.

In any case, I’m done. Even if it isn’t true, in this strange new world, as bad as Twitter is right now, anything could fuckin’ happen. I lasted 13 solid years, and I’m thankful for the friendships that I’ve made. I, however, do not think that Twitter is a game I can continue to play. With Elon at the head of this beast, it’s anybody’s guess if the website lasts.

It’s been fun.

Now’s the time to watch the fires.

P.S. Oh, I forgot: this move will officially render checkmarks meaningless. What happens if CNN doesn’t pay? What happens if The White House doesn’t pay for a goddamned checkmark? Politicians? Journalists? The possibilities are endless. None of the combinations presented make sense.

What happens when CNN doesn’t pay their Checkmark Bill, and some fucker with 0 followers does, and pretends to be CNN?

Thank you, and Good Night.