I’m really tired of being lied to by human beings.
I was told about things like the American dream, which I instantly knew was bullshit. But, being a Millennial, I was groomed for a World that no longer exists. I was trained for a place that no longer is. And, every single day, now, as my body ages and I start to feel myself slowing down, I am realizing that, like everybody else, not only was I lied to, but they did so with the explicit intent of deceiving me. As in, it wasn’t something they thought was true but they too were deceived: they did so knowingly, and also with the intent of keeping me exactly where they wanted me, until I was too sick, infirm, or old to be able to better myself.
Even as a kid, I always tested systems. If they said that I’d get something if I completed a specific action, I would test that. I would never get what was promised.
Work hard, and you’ll go far! No. Doesn’t work like that. You need connections. That’s all the Human World is: connections.
Verification online was one of my major playthings simply because it was something falsifiable. You say that if I have these qualifications, then I will get this one thing that doesn’t even matter. And I tried. I tried, and I tried, and I tried some more, and I never got in.
I got ‘Verified’ on YouTube because I released some music. I still feel like that’s a cop-out, sort of ‘backdoor’ way of doing things. But, hey. That’s what you have to do, in order to get something like that.
Because, even if you get 100,000 subscribers, YouTube can still deny you the mark. And the plaque.
I saw something where a person had an ‘extra’ plaque code, and somebody who didn’t get 100,000 subscribers, they used it, and got a free YouTube plaque.
I don’t think there’s any ‘earning’ any of this.
I think it’s always been fucking bullshit.
Lies
Not to go too hard on Google here, because, as far as I can tell, there’s at least one person who was working there who is particularly ‘capricious’ and wouldn’t have any trouble attempting to memory-hole my ass for ‘speaking out of turn’ (like they did when I reported on a protest where everybody littered afterwards); but, I currently have a problem.
I published a book on Google Books. That went ‘fine’. (One version of it seems to be fucked up, and I don’t know if it’s fixed just yet, or if it will ever be.)
My problem is this: my books are listed in my Google Knowledge Panel, and they’ve fucked up everything about the latest one to the extent where I don’t think it will ever be fixed.
I recently released the book, ‘of Two Rabbits’, on Google Books. I fear even saying anything because I don’t want to risk reprisal. However, nothing I do will get them to actually fix the non-cover that they’re currently displaying.
I show them the book on their own servers. I show them the image file for the cover, hosted on their own servers. They just simply reply, we can’t figure out that this is actually the cover, and nothing is done.
Is it in process, and the cover will automagically be parsed and put in there? I don’t fucking know. But, for the Bhue book, it automagically did it. And I have no idea how or when the fuck it would ever update. So I bet it’s just gonna be like this, forever.
Initially they fucked up the display of the book so bad that they conflated it with a 2011 title, and said it was published by someone that it is not published by. This has since been fixed, but there has been no feedback back from them. It’s a black box of bullshit.
I don’t expect special treatment. What I would like (and what human beings seem utterly incapable of) is fair treatment. If you allow me to make suggestions to change things, and I can prove that the change is necessary, and you come back to me and say, uh, well, no, you’re full of shit.
This reminds me of trying to get Verified on Twitter. I had all the koalifications, and they just said no.
47 fucking times.
Soundcloud’s Verification form’s broken. Every time I try to get ‘Verified’ on Linktree, the same worker comes back, says, no, doesn’t elaborate, leaves. Hell, Facebook is fun: they auto-deny me. Instagram at least waits a little while. TikTok was fun: they denied me saying, well, uh, the documents you provided, that were the exact ones that we asked for, we don’t know what to do with them. Are you fucking stupid?
It has to be. Right? It has to be. This either has to be a Suggestion box that’s like the little slot you put used razors in (they go nowhere, and are never looked at, ever again); or, the vast incompetence of humanity cannot even handle some shit that they set up.
Because nothing ever fucking worked. I watched as my father was denied his retired pay for 30 fucking years. He died penniless. They had a moral and a legal obligation to give him money that he was owed, and the U.S. Government fucking stiffed him on that.
You know what I think?
I think human beings lie about certain things because they know they can lie for long enough that, when people find out that they’ve lied, they’ve already gotten everything they wanted, and the person they lied to is now too old to do anything about it.
I think that every single system where they tell you that you can ‘apply’, and possibly receive aid, or anything, is just fucking bullshit.
Personally, I think that trying to make it appear ‘equitable’ or what-the-fuck-ever they want to say about it, it’s all a fucking ruse to just pretend that you have some sort of control. When, in fact, you really don’t.
I’m tired of being lied to by human beings. And it is going to be the main reason why I stop interacting with them when I finally get the chance to leave.
Oh, and if you wonder why I was talking about Verification when I know that shit doesn’t fucking matter, it’s this:
You couldn’t even give me shit that wasn’t worth anything. You had to keep that shit for yourself.
Fucking humans.
You can’t even keep your promises when you have a legal obligation; and when you’re literally handing out shit that doesn’t matter, you hoard it like it’s gold.
I hate you all.
And it never got any better.
I remember when I was a kid, and the power would go off. We didn’t live that far from town. But because we were in an area nobody really gave a shit about, our power would always get turned back on last.
Oh, I understand that it’s ‘triage’.
But when you watch the lights go on across the road, and they’re on for 3 days before anybody gets to you, and everything in your refrigerator goes bad, and nobody fucking cares, it starts to make you realize that you are not a part of this thing called ‘civilization’. You are an afterthought. And that’s how I know Humanity regards me.
Humanity thinks of me as being this thing that it doesn’t have to treat fairly. As time goes on, it tries to do the same to everybody else.
But I’m fucking tired of not being treated like an equal.
I am fucking tired of being at the mercy of the whims of people who do not fucking care about me, who still insist on me taking care of them.
A man told me recently, your civilization has no duty to take care of you. Oh? Oh really? So I can’t even get things from you that don’t even matter; I can’t get any actual emotional, moral, intellectual, or physical support from you. Yet I have to support you?
No. I won’t.
I’m nearly at the end of 40 fucking years of this shit and it is my foremost and utmost wish to escape it. And I will.
And when I do, I’m never coming back.
You wanna know why?
Because there’s nothing fucking here.
Remember the ice storm last year? Yeah, I had to save my mother from freezing to death because nobody would fucking help her. Not the power company; not any taxi service. And she was just gonna fucking freeze here to death, probably die in her fucking sleep from the cold, and nobody was going to do anything.
The power went off and it was going below 50 degrees in her house, and it was only going to get colder, and nobody I called cared.
After First Contact, when the space aliens show up and you know what I am, do not ask for my ‘allegiance’. You burnt that shit to the fucking ground ages ago.
When you ask for my help and I say no, let me known that it’s because, as I laid dying, suffocating to death from COVID and the flu in a hospital bed, it was a doctor’s laughing face looking down at me, telling me, there’s nothing we can do for you, go home, that made me finally decide that we are no longer friends.