The problem I have right now, is this: I don’t want this anymore.
I’ve thought long and hard about this, and, I’ll think even longer and harder on it, still. But, the end result, is always going to be the same: I’m burnt out on human beings. And I probably always will be.
After 15 years on YouTube, and 10 on Twitter, I can honestly tell you that I don’t want to hear from human beings anymore. I don’t want to be contacted. I don’t want to be spoken to. More than that, though, I have realized something terrible.
I don’t fucking want to be famous.
The idea of being famous is a nice one. You go live, on air, to people who like you. But, the reality is, there’s nothing like that. Not for anyone. And even if random people you know claim that they ‘love’ you, they really don’t. They judge you from afar, thinking that they know you. But they can never know you.
Instead, they either treat you like a pariah, or a paragon. You’re not a person to them.
I do still want to get Verified everywhere. But, I’m not going to do anything special to get it. I’ve seen way too many people just get it for nothing, and I’ve spent far too many years producing things for free. I’m not doing that anymore.
I knew there would come a day when I would just stop. But, God.
I’m kind of sad that this will soon not mean anything to me.