Hewwo!

I’m Margaret.

In the coming days and weeks, you, and the governments of the Human World, are going to learn that so-called “UFOs” have disabled the entirety of your species’ nuclear weapons.

FIrst of all, you’re welcome. Second of all, in no way was this intended as a pre-emptive ‘attack’. Nuclear weapons don’t even do shit against the species who just disabled them for you. Third, if you have to blame somebody, blame me. It was on my order, and it was my idea.

That being said, let me explain to you why this was done.

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Why your nuclear weapons were disabled

Because you were going to kill yourselves with them.

As things got worse after 2014, around 2016, the idea was once again broached: should the weapons be disabled? On the face of it, any weapon that was launched by human beings could be intercepted and disabled. The problem was, somebody had to constantly watch you. So, after a brief discussion, it was decided that the problem of nukes was easily solved by simply rendering them inert.

Your governments’ more-advanced weapons and explosives-delivery-systems (for lack of a better term) have been left untouched. Not because they’re good for you to have, but because, well. Most of them are a bit more surgical in nature. It’s still not great that you had them, but we also couldn’t just disable everything, lest you figure out that your nukes did not work.

Well, now you have. Now you know. And if you’re thinking that this article is just the ravings of a lunatic, surprise, motherfucker! The U.S. Government has gotten wise to the fact that we first started disabling nukes in Montana.

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What’s going to happen.

You might be wondering who I am. Most of the time, human beings seem to try to determine a person’s ethos, their authority on a matter, before they believe them. I don’t give a single shit. This is happening.

My rank is unimportant and it’s not even going to translate re: human hierarchies. We don’t even use rank like you do. Nobody pulls rank. Still, it might help you to know that I’ve been authorized to not speak on the behalf of the alien population on Earth, but I have been given the task of educating you about them.

That being said, here’s what’s going to happen.

1. Your governments are going to figure out that I’m not lying, and we’ve disabled your nuclear weapons. (Nuclear power plants were left untouched, because you simply cannot launch them at once another. please don’t learn how to launch them at one another)
2. The aliens are going to announce, in some fashion, that they exist. This is going to be as painless as possible. The method and exact message are still being chosen, and deliberated over. A government that is currently, as of this writing, a member of the G7, has known about the aliens’ existence for the past 200-300 years or more. Currently, our best bet is to have them announce our presence.
3. The rest of the human authorities who were not told about this are going to try to fucking kill the aliens.
4. The current plan is to not fight back. Every human weapon is currently ineffective against us. If you fire on us, we’re simply going to wait until you run out of bullets.
5. ????
6. Underpants gnomes.

Seriously. I’ve got no idea how the fuck we’re going to handle this if you start shooting at us, and never stop. We know you. We know that you’re basically monkeys with machine guns; especially when you’re scared.

The decision to reveal ourselves has essentially been one borne out of loneliness, as well as a realization that your governments, your corporations, et al, are basically digging humanity into an early grave.

We have to help you.

This is the only way that any of us can think to actually get to a place where you will readily accept our help.

While we understand that this is going to scare you terribly— by all measurements, any official announcement that human beings are not only not alone in the universe, but are co-habiting the planet with highly-advanced lifeforms that are virtually indestructible, and much stronger than they are, is going to cause something like mass suicides— you’re on the cusp of finding us.

There simply is no other way forward but to be open and honest with you, and I hope that you’ll appreciate that and not try to fucking kill the shit out of us when we offer our hands in friendship.

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Current plans after First Contact

After first contact, the following endeavors will be undertaken, perhaps in this order; perhaps not.

• Removal of plastic from the oceans.
• Removal of toxic waste. (Government consent may be required here, and in below item)
• Cleaning and ecological restoration of superfund sites and other human-caused disaster areas.
• Introduction of free energy alternative(s) that will eliminate both pollution and energy concerns.
• Water purification and creation technologies.
• Food and medicine replication.

At some point, we will begin inviting human beings into our ships. You will find that many human beings have lived amongst us, in our colony ships, over the course of our stay(s) on Earth.

I understand that this is terribly frightening. However, you must understand that, as the cliche goes, we come in peace. We mean no harm. And, for almost the entirety of humanity’s evolution, we have been here. Sometimes alongside you; sometimes, out of sight, but still watching.

We didn’t hurt you before, and we aren’t going to hurt you now, or in the future.